The Many Faces of Friendship

A friend is a gift you give to yourself. My dictionary defines a friend as a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. I don’t know if it’s a Naija thing but we tend to say: that person is a good or bad friend. Hello, there are no good or bad friends. You are either a friend or not. We make friends everywhere. Some friendships are formed in kindergarten and develop through to adulthood. Some friendship evolves from simple acquaintances and becomes something deeper and long lasting. Some people become friends after a second, some after a longer period of time. For some people; it is as easy as licking a lollipop. For others, like me, it is the hardest thing in the world. As I explained before, in a previous post, I didn’t develop good communication skills because I was too busy reading. I prefer writing down how I feel as opposed to telling another human being. So if I made tons of friends, what would I tell them? What would we talk about? There are many different sides to a friendship and different types of friendship. Some people have a large circle of friends. Others like me, few. Some people are so popular that on their wedding day, their friends outnumbered family members, while some have to beg or bribe people to attend their big day. I also know of people who like to have a large posse of followers as validation of their popularity but deep inside, they know they cannot truly count on them.

People say I am likeable, that I am personable so I get invited to stuff. But I have learnt to stop attending frenzied stuff so I can catch my breath. I also moved to a different town a couple of years ago so my social cycle has become smaller hence the number of invites have reduced. Because of where I work, I am thrust into public life so I meet tons of people every day. Numbers get exchanged, dedicated promises to make that call are made but that is where it ends. You don’t set out to make a friend. It just happens. You could be in your own corner, doing your thing, minding your business, shopping for groceries or standing in line, doing anything and just exchange a greeting with someone and some more conversation and then it happens. It could be someone you have ignored your entire life and one day, you talk to that person and discover things you never knew. Interesting things. Permit me to explain my own definition of friendship

BEST FRIENDS: this is deeper than your average friend. The type you tell serious stuff to like

1.       I have a terminal disease.

2.       My man/woman/wifey/hubby just left me and ran off with the 19 year old maid/garden boy.

3.       I think I am suicidal.

4.       I think I have met The One. 

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These kind of friends you call in the middle of the night for no reason, just because. They celebrate with you and when you hurt look for ways to make it better. They know the bad sides about you and still choose you.

BESTOS: I like to think of this category as the friends without whom we wouldn't function properly. They aren't quite your best friends but they are more than a friend. There is a very thin line between a besto and a best friend and sometimes that line gets blurred in the general scheme of things.

 This is the besto:

1.       They know what/who you like and dislike

2.       They know who your current squeeze or crush is.

3.       They can tell when something is wrong even when you say nothing and insist that absolutely nothing is wrong.

4.       You ask for a loan/favour out of the blue without thinking twice about it.

5.     They come over without being invited and help themselves to your wardrobe/kitchen without batting an eyelid.

I have got a bff, a besto and a best friend. Or a couple of best friends.  Sometimes, I forget who is what. I am not giving them a shout out. They know themselves so they don’t need the extra publicity unless they were paying me. Hehe. They have stood by my side through thick and thin. Have thrown open the doors to their homes to me. Made me feel all was okay in the world with just a phone call or a message. Knew when I was hurting and made a call from overseas, She is that telepathic. Have scolded me when I got drunk on her birthday that one and only time and I thought I would die. She stayed awake and fetched me water while I tossed and turned and took me to the bathroom when I puked and I thought I was dying on the bathroom floor. They know about my fears and my insecurities. We have had bitter fights and made up too. We have called each other names and we know it’s all love. I was robbed in the middle of the night and even before I called my own family, I called my best friend. My brother travelled abroad and needed somewhere to stay, I called my best friend (though we were having issues at that time) who moved mountains to make sure my bro was safe and sound. How cool is that?

Now, where would I be without my bestos? I travel to their town and need a pick up from the airport and call them before I land and they show up or send someone to pick me up. I hear about a new joint and I’m absolutely dying to go there but won’t go alone. Besto to the rescue. I have a besto who supplies me with my new movies, sends good songs my way, tells me he/she saw this and they instantly knew I would like it. My besto tells me without mincing words that I had got fatter or thinner (yay). They know black isn’t my color and that I love chocolate cake. They also know I got their backs too.

BFF: I know this stands for ‘best friends forever’ but for me, I like to think of these category of people as those that are there for the fun part, not that it is a bad thing. Who doesn’t deserve a bit of fun in their lives? These friends are there for when you want to go shopping or to the movies, or to follow you on a blind date. Or gossip. Lol. My BFFs? I don’t actually have a lot because as I said, my social life can be a snooze-fest sometimes. It is kinda hard meeting people like myself, with whom I can have things in common with. But yeah, now that I think about it, there are people I kick around with.

Sometimes, we are lucky and God or fate or life blesses us with a best friend, bff and a besto all rolled up in one person. Sometimes we discover these traits in different people. Maybe God wants us to have a variety of people in our lives. I love my friends and I look forward to the amazing journey we'll have together, getting married, having babies, sharing secrets, sharing tips, getting old etc. I used to take my friends for granted, thinking...oh, they'll always be there. The truth is, they wont. Some will die, some will lose interest, some will simply pull away because you didn't take care of the friendship. So I learnt. It is a give and take relationship, not a give and give or a take and take only. 

This is an ode to friendship. It is someone’s birthday in about 48hours or less and that person is special to me. We have been friends forever. I don’t mean just like a few months or years. But, really forever. So in the spirit of true friendship, I urge everyone to call/email/ping/sms a long forgotten friend and just say ....Hey, how are you doing? I mean it, go through your phone or address book and look for someone. Just one. Remember, friendship isn't a big thing. It is a million little things.

XO

'Rene. 

P.S: M, C, U, C and B...hugs and kisses. (Try decoding that. *tongue out*)