Inferiority Complex Revisited

Well, I treated this topic last week and got a few reactions in my inbox (wonder why you guys won't comment on the post itself). Anyway back to the matter, it is obvious I'm not the only one who noticed that our people have lost touch with their history and will do anything as long as it's 'UnAfrican' (doubt if there's a word like that, but you know what I mean). To these people, anything indigenous is local. My friends feel its worse among the Igbos (I have mostly Igbo friends because I grew up in the Eastern part of Nigeria).

MY THREE WORDS ...FOR NOW

No, this is not a new year resolution but it is still early enough to organise your year. I believe in a practice of defining my thought and actions using as little words as possible. The goal is to use words as triggers for actions I intend to take and maybe other action I would like to avoid. Sometimes, I write it on a sticky paper and place it where I can see it immediately I am  awake in the mornings. I repeat it to myself until its etched on my brain, I type it into my phones and use it as reminders to stay on track. I wanted to title the post 'my three words for 2014' but let me not be hasty.

This Is Love.

A dear friend of mine sent this picture to me. At first, I thought: what a cute cartoon. Then I really studied the pictures and it was really lovely with a deep message which is clear for all to see. So I decided to share. This is better viewed on a PC or tablet because it might be too little to be viewed on a mobile phone, I guess. I smiled to the end. Enjoy. Wishing everyone a productive week ahead. XO.

'Rene.

Inferiority Complex

I was chatting with a friend a few days ago and he mentioned that the Igbo language was going extinct. I sort of disagreed with him, but he insisted saying that other Nigerian languages will outlive the Igbo language because, the average Igbo parent will speak English to his children because he feels it's modern and classy. I slowed down a bit on the argument and thought deeply about it; it was not entirely a lie. Other tribes are so proud of their language, but you find Igbos still speaking the English language to fellow Igbos. I cannot explain why this is so, but I will simply say it's some sort of inferiority complex. Going on facebook, a friend wrote this, "...4 as long as Africans do not invent their own things, they continue to import foreign goods then, we are not totally free from slavery. We shall continue to remain dat way until we decide to take our destiny into our own hands. We must drop d issue of ethnicity, hatred, political differences and come together as one to develop our country to the maximum and our continent as a whole". [GM]

Inferiority Complex is not a problem of the Igbos alone. It is a problem of so many people; men, women, young, old etc. Inferiority Complex is a feeling of inadequacy and people will go to any length to live up to their perceived societal standards. How else can one explain the craze for the bleaching of one's skin (which is unhealthy), wearing expensive clothes and shoes (which are got through unmentionable means), riding cars (which are pretty expensive), all in a bid to measure up to standards.

We tend to think that the Western way of life is better. Don't get me wrong, Westernization is good and has done a lot of good for/to us, but should we discard everything African/Nigerian to become Western? Japan as we know was not colonized, but they are colonizers. If the Colonial Masters hadn't come, we would have developed anyway, albeit slowly. Then we would have been stuck mainly with familiar cultures and traditions instead of confusing and conflicting ideas. Or are we trying to say that nothing African is good? I doubt if anybody thinks that way (I may be wrong).

Let us strive to improve ourselves in a way that it will benefit everyone and not just ourselves. That way life will be better and there won't be unhealthy competition among us, all because we feel inferior and are not proud of ourselves.

One Love,

Lae'

Gay Rights

A bill was recently passed in Nigeria calling for the imprisonment of gay couples. This gave rise to many people speaking out, both for and against the bill. I am not homophobic but I feel this gay issue has been over-flogged.

I am a Christian and my Bible tells me that God created Adam and Eve. I do not know what other religions preach, but every living thing has two species; male and female. There is obviously a reason for that. I do not understand the attraction to people of the same sex, it is a huge deviation from the norm but that is their business.

I do not support the 14 year jail term because a lot of criminals get away with their crimes in Nigeria. The government should get busy with trying to create a secure country that cares about and caters to the needs of its citizens and not bother about jailing consenting adults who have chosen to live their lives with people of the same sex. On the other hand, I do not support the gay people who make a lot of noise asking for their rights.

What rights exactly? Their (gay) sexual preferences should not be shoved down our throats. They should keep it behind closed doors. Fornicators and adulterers do not ask for rights, their sexual escapades are in secret because sex is wrong outside marriage. Gay people act like victims a lot. I do not support their been killed or hurt, it is their choice, but they should let heterosexuals have a say too. It is not compulsory to like or accept the gay lifestyle.

I'm yet to even understand why they are allowed to adopt kids or have surrogates have kids for them. If everyone adopts the gay lifestyle, where will the children come from? I also fear for children who grow up with same sex parents. They grow up having a warped sense of what relationships should be. A lot of people have adopted this whole gay thing because they feel it's stylish, I'm sure it will fizzle out sooner than people expect. I do not and will never support them but I do not have a problem with them. Everyone will answer for his deeds; why bother myself with other peoples issues when I've got mine?

One Love,
Lae'

LAST WEEKEND...

Hello people. I dont know how you spent your weekend but mine was productive. Before the weekend, the days draaaaaaagged, it was unbelievable. the heat was oppressive, I was lazy. I went to bed tired and I woke up even more exhausted. I couldn't concentrate at work and wished I could split myself into two: be at work as ladybosschick and be at home, on my bed, fast asleep. So, anyway, before I knew it, Friday. I zapped through work and was already whistling before the close of time. I had a plan for the weekend. And my plan was to have NO plan.

SATURDAY: I woke up slowly like a cat and stretched. I was already smiling. I felt good. it was almost 8 am and I hadn't slept this well in months. I prayed and opened my eyes. I counted my blessings. I love my house. I hate leaving it to go to work everyday. It took time, effort and a lot of Pinterest to turn it into my own personal haven. from the yellow curtains to the ankara pillows. From my matching yellow cutlery to the magnet stuck on the door of my fridge. While I pondered on the sort of meal I would make...risotto? Unripe plantains? Couscous?...it occurred to me that some people didn't have the blessings of food and house. I complain about my job all the time but I cannot deny that it helps to pay my bills. I thought of the people working long hours at my office; the security guard who lived on the premises and ate once a day, my own staff who by midday would be grumpy from hunger. On Saturdays, it was almost impossible finding good paces to eat. So, I made a mammoth lunch, (jollof rice, fried fish, plantains and steamed veggies) dished it into containers/covered bowls and delivered it to work. #Good-feeling.

SUNDAY: After church, I did my weekly grocery shopping. I watched a Chinese movie recently and decided I would do Eastern cuisine for a while so my shopping basket was filled with things like soy sauce, Thai glass noodles, Thai rice paper, Basmati and Jasmine rice, canned shitake mushrooms. I even bought a couple of chopsticks. Lol. This will be fun. Then because I have been on good behaviour, saw a movie (Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs) and had an ice-cream, the most decadent one with chocolate wafers and all. Back home, it was Beyonce on my stereo belting out my favourite song 'XO' which by the way I have played like 3258362 times already. 

So what is the essence of my post? I have not been doing so well of late. Working so hard, writing an academic thesis, managing a cranky boss, managing my own hectic life that sometimes I feel so ungrateful and a tad unhappy from all the stress. But like a phase, it passed and I walked on sunshine. This weekend, I created happiness.

p.s...Lemme share a lil miracle. While typing this post, my computer restarted itself and shut itself down. I was scared I had lost all the work. But I didn't panic. I turned PC on, and voila, my words are still here. Yay.

 'Rene.

Domestic Violence (Part 1)

Domestic Violence is one topic that irks me, but I cannot pretend it doesn't exist. It's quite rampant now, everybody is complaining especially the women. I've always been silent about domestic violence because it seemed far-fetched. I only read about them and had never seen or known anyone who was a victim until yesterday.

She is a family friend and a very respectable lady. Her marriage was barely two years old, they are blessed with a son and she has a good job. Then somewhere out of the blues I heard her marriage was over and that she had moved out of her matrimonial home. Why I asked, and I was told her husband panel beats her almost on a daily basis. I was shocked, my mind travelled far and wide looking for answers. Answers to what exactly?

I thought about it all night and found no answers. There are many types of abuse; emotional, physical, verbal, economical, mental, sexual etc but I see no reasons for them. Women are not the only victims, men and children are victims as well, but at what point do relationships go bad? At what point do things get so bad and people feel it's okay to victimize people they are supposed to love and maybe protect? Instead of hurting them, why not let them go? There must be people somewhere who will love and appreciate them.

Abuse in any form is evil. It strips the victim of every self worth, some even die from abuse. Is it so hard to love? Why can't we treat others the way we want others to treat us? Is that really too much to ask for in life? Let us all try to practice love, because God is love.

One Love,
Lae'.

Ordinary People - Cobhams Asuquo (Lyrics included)

Inspiring music I must say. It's no use writing so much on this fabulous music because the lyrics say it all. Cobhams is one guy who makes beautiful and meaningful music. I loved it and I bet you will too.

Enjoy,
Lae'

Ways to 'truly' Love

Unusual topic u may say, but the word 'truly' is there for a reason. So many times we hear people say they are in love, but things fall apart after a while. I'm not a master in the art of love, but I've learnt a few things by hearing sermon (as a Christian), reading the good book and other books as the case may be.

Love is as essential as air in life. It makes life beautiful. I don't mean the love between partners who are dating or married; I mean the kind of love that everyone needs. The love that makes life worth living. I've gone through these points over and over and I believe that if we all put them in practice, we will have a better society.

• To listen without interrupting
• To speak without accusing
• To give without sparing
• To pray without ceasing
• To answer without arguing
• To share without pretending or exaggerating
• To enjoy life without complaining
• To trust without wavering
• To forgive without punishing
• To promise without forgetting

This is no religious article, it is applicable to everyone. They are not easy to achieve, but we need to try.

One Love,

Lae'.

...JUST FOR LOSING A KITCHEN KNIFE?

I did not set out to write a topic on domestic help today but something happened yesterday that compelled me to switch lanes. There is this little boy I know, about 10 years old and he lives close to my office. And so, because I am naturally interested in people, I befriended him. He is one of many little friends. Almost every workday our paths cross, he gives me a little smile, hesitant but brief. I didn't need a sorcerer to tell me he was a domestic help or distant cousin from the village/brought to township. When I see his type, I know. Is it the way they cower in fear? Or the way they jump at any sudden noise? Or is it their tattered clothes and mismatched bathroom slippers that give them away? Or the back-breaking chores they are given?

I digress. Back to my point. So yesterday, I was about to cross the street when I saw my little friend about to cross the same street. Kids should always cross a busy street with adult supervision. But as I made to hold his hand, he flinched. Why? His stick-like arms were covered with long angry welts, some even bleeding. Shocked, I asked him why. He said his 'brother' flogged him. I asked why. He said as punishment for losing a kitchen knife in the process of picking vegetables from their vegetable garden. Like, seriously??? I counted the welts on both arms. They were 21. A kid was beaten until blood was drawn just for losing a small kitchen knife. It is wrong and inhuman. 

My question is this: if this kid was a biological son of his Oga/Madam, would same punishment be meted out? This is a rhetorical question since we all know the answer. We don'y live in the Dark Ages any more. A  domestic help is not a euphemism of a slave, so they needn't be treated like one. It's time we ended child abuse.

 I'm sure everyone of us has had a distant cousin/relative or maid living with us during some point of our childhoods. Do you remember how they were treated? Good or bad?

'Rene.

Phobia

The picture has done the asking. I am afraid of almost everything in the world (yes I'm almost panphobic). I may have to list my fears but please do not assume I made them up, or that I'm just using big words (as you may have to consult your dictionary). It's that serious.

'Rene says I'm morbid (*rme*, doubt if it's that bad). Another friend Thelma says she's never seen a more fearful person. My mom even scolds me (probably indirectly trying to make me quit my fears). Even DH calls me 'The King of Fear' (in my case Queen would be more appropriate *winks*). Anyway back to the matter at hand. I cannot explain why I am afraid of 'everything'. Some of my fears are even extreme opposites and that bothers me a bit. Maybe I was made that way, and I'm sure there are many others like my humble self. I'm trying very hard to get rid of some of them, but I know it's going to take some time. For example, I'm claustrophobic as well as agoraphobic. My phobia list includes: acrophobia, arachnophobia (that's one of the worst), aviophobia, aquaphobia, algophobia. I think they are the few fears I have (the list isn't that long then).

So yesterday I embarked on an hour flight with my mom and bambino, but the flight was delayed because of the unfavourable weather. We left after a while but that was the longest one hour of our lives. I have never experienced such turbulence before. There was so many air pockets and it was a 10:00pm flight. People were unnervingly calm,but you could see the fears in their eyes. I was holding on to my seat and my mom was praying away. I thought about the experience today and couldn't help laughing, but there was no time for such laughter yesterday. Like they say in the movies or novels, 'I saw my life flash before me' (lol, well mine didn't flash before before me). Despite all my fears, I am not afraid of death. In fact, when all that was happening, I was asking myself if I had hidden psychic powers because earlier in the day I made a rare and delicious lunch, popped a bottle of wine and we toasted to a better 2014 (DH inclusive). Now don't get me wrong-I did not do all these on January 1st, in fact I had noodles on that day. Imagine if anything had happened yesterday (thank God it didn't), the gist would have been that I had a premonition, hence the sumptuous meal, wine and toast on January 5th.

Even though I'm not afraid of death, I'm afraid of graves (phew). I need stop here because the mere mention has freaked me out. I still feel cremation is better (well that's my opinion). Well, we landed in one piece and my mom prayed out loud thanking God and even waved her hands in the air. I did mine silently in my mind and even when mom asked me to pray in thanksgiving, I told her I'd done that already. Bambino slept away (without a care in the world. Such innocence) . It was another reason to say thank you Lord for everything, because everyday is a blessing.

Please share your fears and thoughts.

One Love,
Lae'.

Lil' Mercies

Thank you for giving me the morning.
Thank you for ev’ry day that’s new.
Thank you that I can know my worries can be cast on you.

http://prayers4reparation.wordpress.com/2012/03/17/thank-you-for-giving-me-the-morning/

(Click the link above to get the full song)

I woke up yesterday morning singing the song above. The same thing happened this morning and I knew there was a purpose for it and that got me thinking. That song is in appreciation to God for whatever we encounter in life, because if handled rightly, there is a 'positive' purpose for all of them. How many times do we thank God for the things he has done in our lives? How many times have we expressed gratitude to people who have helped us in one way or the other, without thinking we deserve it or that they owe us the favour?

We expect big miracles daily, but isn't the life we live miracle enough? Are miracles only when the lame walk, or when the blind see? Why have we refused to be thankful for those things we term 'little mercies'? It is only people who appreciate the 'lil mercies' realise when the 'big miracles' happen to them or come their way.

The year is still new and fresh. Let us make gratitude a way of life, because it benefits both the giver and the receiver (it brings joy and happiness). Let us quit being Oliver Twist who "wants some more", and acknowledge that everyday is a blessing, and that no matter what situations we find ourselves in, we are better than some people some where in the world, and these people would give anything to be in our shoes.

Let us also endeavour to help people who we feel we are better than (because we all are better than someone/people). Helping them will go a long way in making our world and society better (that is one of the aims of this blog). Let us be grateful for all we have, and quit whining and complaining about things we do not have (after all we have life).

Wishing us all a wonderful week filled with love and a spirit of gratitude.

One Love,
Lae'

Listening to Time Of Our Lives by Ebisan ft Chidyma

Hello people, its Saturday, my best day of the week when I can lie in bed and plan my day. Today, immediately after my prayers, I reached for my Ipod and while I write out my errands for the day, I am listening to my favourite wake up song. My sister sent it to me a couple of years ago and just when I wanna feel blue or tired, I play this song, on REPLAY. It is like a rush in my veins. Filled with hope, positivity and love. Lemme share my favourite lines: 

...they don't understand our love

they say we're not good enough

but our hearts are open, so full of hope and we'll never give up

we will not put up a fight, they can say whatever they like

we'll tell them we're happy 

we'll tell them we're living

we'll tell them we are...we're having the time of our lives....

So, that is it. What is your own favourite Saturday morning song? Have a productive day. XOXO.

'Rene.

New Year's Resolutions

                                                 


It's that time of the year when resolutions are made. A lot of people write them down in jotters, sticker notes or diaries, while others create a special file for them. I've never made a resolution - sounds unbelievable right? I was actually thinking about it today and wondered why I've never made out time to make a resolution, since it naturally translates to wanting to do things better in the new year. I honestly do not have a clear cut answer to that. However, I'm a bit superstitious and I believe that once I say certain good things out, they will be jinxed. The same thought may have been an unconscious reason why I've never made resolutions.

Anyway, 2013 was a very good year. I'm grateful to God for that but like every human being (we are insatiable), I wish I achieved more. It's not like I did not try hard, but I should have tried harder. Based on the need to do better this year, I reminisced on the past year and found out areas where I failed. The most slacked area was in my studies (yea I'm a student) and it is not funny one bit. It wasn't entirely my fault but who cares (nobody trust me). I've decided that my studies will not suffer again, hence the need to make a list of things to achieve this year. It had to be realistic and achievable so i ran to Google to find something close to my new year dreams.

The picture below is so apt. It is my own list of resolutions. Number 1 is something I'll endeavour to stick to, to reduce or completely avoid stress. Number 2 equals positivity (everybody wants that), number 3 on the list is something this blog hopes to promote (read the blogger profile). Number 4 enables me leave everything in the hands of God as long as I do number 5. I'll try and abide by them, hopefully I'll give a good account at the end of the year. So help me God, Amen.

Please feel free to share your plans and resolutions in the new year. God bless us all.

One Love,

Lae'.

                                               
                                                 Picture credit: Google Images

New Beginnings...

Hello people. Once again, it's cheers to the brand spanking new year. While some of us will be toasting, throwing confetti in the air, what flashed through my mind while the time struck 12 am yesterday was that I have a brand new chance to make some much needed changes in  my life. Many people don't believe in New Year resolutions but me, I'm a die-hard 'resolutioner' though I'm not the sort that would pick unrealistic targets like promise to call everyone in my phone book once a month.  

Its so empowering to know I am making a conscious positive effort to do something right. So, after the excitement of festivities, the shopping, the gifts, the sparkle and cheer, the inevitable weight gain...what will you resolve to do in 2014? On d cusp of 2012, I vowed that I would take better care of myself in 2013, that I would open my arms and mind to new opportunities and new people. I did. I lost weight, started eating right and started exercising actively. I turned a year older in September. And for the age I became, I bought myself the number of gifts. I took on charitable causes and shifted some people out of my life because the load was heavy. I learned to forgive and help no matter what my heart or pocket told me. . And I did. So 2014, what do you have in store?  This year I have decided on a number of things.

1. I will be a better communicator. Everyone complains that I hardly call or reach out. I defend myself saying I work too hard/have little time/overwhelmed by deadlines. Excuses, I know. Well, not any more. 

2. I will de-clutter my life. By this, I mean, I will sort out the unnecessary stuff  I carry around. This comes in the forms of people, shoes, knick knacks, furniture, make-up, clothes...the list is endless. Everyday, in my house, I come across stuff I haven't used in years and I wonder why I keep hoarding them. Last year, I gave something out after keeping it locked up for years. and it felt GOOD. 

3. I will be positive. For me, this is the most important one. Will keep positive people close, to help nourish my spirit and help me grow, speak positive words and affirmations, read positive writings and really try to keep negativity at bay. And I would do those things I have always wanted to do. This blog is one of my positive actions. For a long time, my friend and I played with the idea of starting one. Everyone was blogging. Should we do it? What would we write? Who would read them? Then we decided to just do it. (Thanks, Nike!) 

4. This post wouldn't be complete without me vowing to lose weight and maintain a healthy lifestyle. Been battling with my weight for a year now.  I am nowhere near my ideal size/shape. But I will get there.

These among other things, are my new beginnings. May the rest of the year be fabulous.

'Rene.

WELCOME

This is to formally welcome us all to 2014 and to this blog. It will be a blog like no other because here we are free to share our thoughts, no matter how awkward they seem. Life is a mystery and so many times we experience, hear or encounter things (as we journey through life) which baffle us. Feel free to send your candid thoughts on them. You never know who will gain from it and we may get answers to unanswered questions.

It will be a good journey and an amazing experience. Thank God for leading us safely to 2014. He will not let us fall. So enjoy the ride. One Love.

Lae'