I present Mr and Mrs X. They have been married 5 years, have two kids and another on the way. Their marriage has had its ups and downs. I have seen them so very deeply in love that the birds sing love songs. I have also witnessed their many fights that sometimes ended up in a hospital/police station. You see, I am their neighbour. Their last episode started this way. Mr X's mom (aka. The Mother In-Law)came to spend 3 months at her son's. (I disapprove of parents spending unspecified periods with their married kids unless it is an important visit). Mrs X began grumbling about MIL who refused to eat Mrs X cooked meals (too much pepper, no salt). Mrs X said during the course of MIL's 3-month visit, she slept every night by her son's(Mr X) side. Gasp! So one day, provoked beyond measure, Mrs X let is slip that she was sure MIL and son were having s*x and would report it to her kinsmen. Mr X picked up a mortar's pestle and smashed it against his wife's mouth and proceeded to teach her the terminology called head-butting. It was when she started bleeding that other people went to get the police. At the station, the cops asked Mr X to tell them what had started the fight. He said and I quote..."She is my wife, my property. I paid cash so I can do whatever I want". He was behind bars for a week.
Anything could have been the reason for their fights. Financial insecurity, boredom, poverty, lack of understanding, infidelity...etc. I am not here to dissect Mr/s X. I am here, simply confused and looking for answers why many men beat up their wives. Is it because of the 2 kobo paid as dowry? Is that a certificate for karate punches? She is a wife and not a donkey purchased in the market. And 80% of violated women would remain in such a marriage. Mrs X always swore to walk out of her marriage after every beating but while I type this post on my PC, I can hear them arguing outside. Perhaps another fight could just be brewing. Yesterday, at work, I was talking to a guy and he referred to his wife as his property more than once.
Our churches and families are not even doing much to curtail this menace. How many fathers welcomed their married daughters back after a beating? They are immediately urged back to their marital homes because a woman's place is with her husband for good and always for bad too. The pastors give these women Psalms to read and tell them to soak their bibles in Holy Water and wait while the Holy Ghost changed their husbands. Come to think of it, how many pastors/priests preach against domestic violence? In all honesty, I have never heard a sermon dedicated towards DV. It is always a sermon against adultery/fornication/how to pledge an oath for God/sow your 1st fruits/tithing is the way to Heaven etc. See, I am not against these men of God and their messages but it is time we realised Domestic Violence has been tolerated so far. We are all turning a blind eye. No one wants to interfere in anybody's marriage. After all, dem no dey put mouth for husband and wife mata abi? My Bible advised parents not to spare the rod thereby spoiling the child. I have never read where God advised men to beat up their wives because of a provocation or in a bid to make their wives submissive. I have not seen a man attacking his boss over squabbles, or knocking one's father to the floor in a fight, or even slapping his mother over an offence. So why the wife? Why do these women remain?
For me, I think society conditions women into thinking:
For me, I think society conditions women into thinking:
a. You are nothing unless married to a man.
b. If your hubby is the breadwinner, you and your kids would starve, so don't leave or seek help.
c. As a divorcee, you are stigmatised: Look at that woman, she left her husband. Ewooo!
But the same society does nothing to the man who has turned his wife into a punch bag. After all, she is his property.
XO,
'Rene.
Hmmmm. Men really think they hv authority over women because they hv a stronger bone and that whatever they say women "must" abide by it. There shld be a law governing this domestic violence. Any right thinking man will not like to see his wife angry talk more of beating her up. I can't even imagine it. It's so common with our Nigerian men unlike other countries where women are treated like a Queen, you don't raise your hand on them except you want to loose your property or go to jail. Make our men try get sense.
ReplyDeleteWow! Jenny I know u will support this very post. Well I'm not in support of men beating their wives because it's uncalled for. Women on their own path should not always run their mouths because some men would not like a situation whereby a woman insults them. I for one never liked beating a lady, it's not in my nature and will never be.
ReplyDeleteThe entire issue boils down to the values of our society and the place of women in the order of things. Dunno about the rest of Africa but in the Nigerian context, women are deemed to be lower than men and will ONLy be 'complete' by getting married to a man. It's a macho world out here and the Man reigns supreme. The only way to get around this is for the women legislators to push for stiffer laws against DV and the sensitization in schools about the girl-child being equal to the male.
ReplyDeleteErmmm, Mr Darlington, are you trying to justify and rationalise a man beating his wife by saying it is the woman's fault? Sad. You, see that comment right there is why women and children are psychologically and physically abused and they will not report it. A woman was thrown down the stairs and lost her life infront of her kids because she couldn't leave an abusive marriage. My point? Nothing justifies raising your hand against a woman. Why won't the bully pick on someone his own size?
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